i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
