The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
