Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
