Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
