you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
