how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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