Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
