I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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