Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
