U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
