time to smoke my breakfast
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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