just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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