Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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