Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
