were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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