I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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