did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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