There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
