i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
