We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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