dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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