Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
