I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
