So drunk its hurt
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
