And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
