Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
