he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
