How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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