We're like a lot better than the average bears
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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