I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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