So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
