His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just fell off a train. Bad.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
