Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
