I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
