even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
