In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
