i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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