Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
