carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
