Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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