She said her name was "party"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
