once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
