Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
