I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
