Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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