mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
