I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
