I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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