I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
