that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
