I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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