he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
