The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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