Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
