the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
