21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
