The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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