I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
40s are totally the cure
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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