hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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