After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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