I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
