And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I accidentally had phone sex last night
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
